A Checklist to pick a child?

We had the hardest meeting with our Social Worker this week. We knew it was coming, but the reality of it was so difficult.

We sat for our 8th meeting with our social worker and literally had to go through an A4 checklist of what we could and couldn’t accept in an adopted child. It seemed so cold and callous, I mean when I had my daughter I didn’t have the option (nor would I have wanted it). In fact, when pregnant with my daughter I refused certain tests as I knew that no matter what they told me, I would not be able to terminate my pregnancy.

I stared at the form for a long time and then spoke with Peter. I said that the only way I could comfortably do this would be to consider the impact upon placing a child with certain needs or issues with our daughter.

As soon as I had her in my mind, it became easier and when we finished going through the form there was a very clear message from us. We realised we could agree to pretty much cope with any physical impairment, but we would not risk many psychological impairments.

This form haunted me for weeks, and I had no idea how relevant it would become to me in the future … and how irrelevant it would become to social services.

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4 thoughts on “A Checklist to pick a child?

  1. We’ve gone through that “would you” or “wouldn’t you” process with a social worker. Ours went really well (love our social worker), but I’m totally there with you! It seems so cold and there are just so many variables on each one. Because in the back of my mind, I kept thinking “Ok, but if they were mine and “X” developed, I’d love them just the same.” The RAD and FAS scare me though, but even those, if they were mild… We’ll just pray for the best!

    • It is such a surreal process to go through. In my experience though, as you will read in the future, this process should have far more importance placed upon it and should be taken very seriously by the adopters and the SW’s. Good luck! x

  2. We just started the adoption process to adopt siblings from Hungary. They told us that we would have to complete that form in the future. I know that I would love any child no matter what, but I also know that I want the best for the child. How do you know what you can and can’t handle until you are in the situation? How do you make decisions like that? Thanks for sharing how hard it was for you and how you got through it.

    • I found it excruciating and to be honest, as you will find out when I manage to bring this blog up to date, it was a pretty futile exercise too.

      Wishing you lots of love, luck and happiness with your adoption x

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