Penalised for a ‘normal’ childhood?

You may remember in my introduction to this blog, that I stated how my childhood had been really lovely with no major traumas at all? Well when we first met with our Social Worker, she had asked Peter and I to independently write about our childhoods.

It came to my individual meeting with our SW and she went through everything I had written, I have never felt so small and stupid. She probed into every aspect of my childhood and almost seemed doubtful or at least frustrated that she could not raise some traumatic incident.

We talked for an hour about my childhood memories which all involve family holidays, traditions and happiness. Until I was 22, I was fortunate enough never to have suffered the loss of a loved one so I couldn’t even bring up some grief I had faced.

After the SW left, I felt really frustrated and angry, initially I felt almost as if I had let myself down by not remembering something that I could talk about, but then I felt angry that I was feeling this way.

It’s been three months since the assessment began and meetings like this just make me feel like the whole bureaucratic process is a waste of everyone’s time. Of course they need to do their checks, I don’t doubt that but trying to raise past issues that aren’t there just doesn’t make sense to me.

I met with some other friends that we had met through the process and one of them said that the social worker had even probed into the couple’s sex life, even asking how often they had it!

Sometimes it feels as if the SW’s get lost along the way and turn their assessments into a ‘nose around’ our lives, it can make us potential adopters feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed.


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